I am on the dating app Hinge and I changed my age range from dating older men (50-65) to dating younger (30-37). I went out with a 33 year old and after three dates I asked a serious question.
“On a scale from 1-10…1 being that you don’t care too much and 10 being that you can’t imagine your life without them. How badly do you want children?”
He thought about it for a moment.
7.
7 is high for me, someone who just turned 40.
7 is high for someone who has considered not having children more often than having them.
I followed up with: “why do you want to have children?”
He said because ‘that’s what he has always considered, having a family. He has imagined his life with children. Family is a big deal in his culture, everyone does it.’
(Ummm, everyone does it everywhere, dude.)
On our first date, the 33 year old told me about his friends visiting with their kids and how he made a good impression on them. One of the children asked to say goodnight to him on the phone. It was sweet. I could tell he was proud.
When the topic of children has been posed to me before, I always said, “if I had kids then great and if not, then that’s great too. Either way my life will be full.”
I am fully aware of how amazing and scary pregnancy could be, this is why I always liked the idea of being a step mom. You get to be apart of their lives without all the hospital visits or potential health scares. You know what I mean? Giving birth and being pregnant doesn’t sound like fun.
Last year my bestie was pregnant and there was a moment when I was in my situationship and I thought, “omg what if I had this guy’s baby and my bestie and I can be pregnant at the same time.” LOLLLLLLL omg Sinead. I am glad that didn’t happen, but it may have awakened an urge inside of me that I hadn’t known, because I hadn’t had sex in ages.
Anyways, I continue to talk to my date about this question. I reiterate that I am 40 years old and I don’t think I have the time or resources to be having a child.
My standards for bringing a child into this world are higher than most. I would like to be a stay at home mom and do arts and crafts all day. I wouldn’t work and I wouldn’t want to lower my lifestyle standards either.
Simply put, I never want to have to worry about money.
Maybe that is why I am still childfree and single. I give myself the life that I want without worrying about money too much. I am busy enjoying my life.
I am not shutting myself down from the idea of children, but I am sticking to my standards of living because life is meant to be enjoyed.
My 33 year old date said he would think about the idea of potentially not having children but I know in my heart that that’s not fair for either of us.